Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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