Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
