I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
