His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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