I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Help me help you realize you are a moron
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
