All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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