I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Found your dick twin last night
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My dick has a subreddit
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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