im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
