If i come over, it means nothing
I love black thongs
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
where am i from again
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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