3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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