i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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