You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
be right there i have to get my cape
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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