Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Randomize
