I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
