I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
