I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
