you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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