im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
