My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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