why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
