Porn is love you can see.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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