Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
