they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
