This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize