Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
