WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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