whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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