Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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