there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
