Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
