You just made me feel so damn special
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
