I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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