Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the night ended with taco bell and tears
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This is my gift to your gina
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
