think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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