So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
