I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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