It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
