That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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