Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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