why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
