that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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