hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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