Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I need advice on ways to politely say āfuck you on your way to hellā.
Randomize
