I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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