I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize