i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
