what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
is it fun? or sober?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
