i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize