I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
