im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
