If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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